You Need to Know Good vs. Bad Dependence

One of the most challenging aspects of independence is that many people today fear it. They fear to be in control of their own life because that means that you cannot place blame - for anything - on anyone but yourself: scary prospect, that.

But society today has a confused outlook on what independence truly is. Freedom is not about you hardening yourself, suppressing who you are, and never letting anyone help you. Surprised?

Dependence and independence are pretty misunderstood.

• Independent does not mean you are narcissistic and anti-social, overly-driven and aggressive.
• Dependence does not mean you are weak, spineless, or cannot do anything for yourself.

First of all, society hints that depending on anyone is a sign of weakness. Anytime you get involved with another, and you begin to feel as if you can rely on them (a significant definition of dependence), others may make you feel as if you are doing something wrong.

This is not the case. But if you listen to that logic, you find yourself alone, feeling lonely and insecure.

Both independence and dependence are reasonable, necessary, and healthy - and they do not oppose each other as you might think. We need both to be happy. And having both in our lives begins with having other people in our lives.

The key to this seeming conundrum is to surround yourself with the right people.

• Resolve to be independent by understanding how humans connect and interrelate.
• Seek out relationships that support you and your growth.
• Educate yourself on healthy and unhealthy forms of independence and dependence.
• Learn to become dependent on the right people for the right reasons, and you will be standing on your own two feet and feeling great about it.

The right people will hold you up, not bring you down. They are people that you can feel healthy depending on for support. They are people that will allow you to grow and will help you learn to stand on your own two feet but still be there for you when you need them.

These are the type of people you want to surround yourself with throughout your life.

The fact is, we need to be interconnected to be strong. Our togetherness is not a weakness at all - it is a great strength! Staying independent by making yourself be alone is not the right kind of independence. Feeling as if you are weak because of your connections to other humans is not correct, either.

It is our nature to want to connect with others. And just like anything, in essence, a human being cannot thrive if separated and alone.