How to Deal with Conflict Graciously

Dealing with conflict diplomatically can be an overwhelming challenge if you have a short temper. The way you treat others affects your career contacts, friendships, job security, and even romantic relationships.

To deal with conflict kindly, be willing to agree to change.

The next time you face confrontation, follow these tips:

1. Step out of your shoes. Scrutinize the situation objectively as it will allow you to see both sides of the story honestly. Why is the other person unhappy? What could you maybe have done to offend them or cause them to feel as if they were wronged or attacked? Is there any merit to their reaction?

* Remember, most people hardly ever lash out without a feeling of justification. Find why they approached you so hastily so you can figure out how to diffuse the situation.

2. Be understanding. Sometimes, all someone needs to calm down is to feel as if they are understood. Say something that will make them feel like they have the right to think as they do without totally throwing yourself under the bus.

* Say something that demonstrates you appreciate anything they have to say. Before you go into your side of the story, first seek to know their point of view. Find common ground. Work from there to guarantee a solution that you both will be happy with in the end.

* Offer to discuss their feelings. Question why they feel this way and truly pay attention with no judging. It might be tempting to lash out if the other person accuses you of doing something you did not do. However, wait until they finish stating their piece prior to you chiming in with your argument.

3. Keep your fingers to yourself. When dealing with conflict, the quitter's way to liberation is pointing the finger at the other person. But, bear in mind, it always takes two to tango.

* Take the high road by abstaining from playing that childish blame game. Focus on achieving a solution rather than harboring resentment over the issues.

4. Keep your cool. The fastest way to blow a situation out of proportion is to act heatedly. Keep your voice low and under control. Keep your arms by your sides. Attack problems from the perspective of a teammate rather than placing blame.

* Dealing with conflict gracefully is about being proud of the way you react. If you feel that you'll be embarrassed by your reaction later, it's best to choose a different, calmer approach to communication.

5. Everyone is a winner. The most gracious thing you can do to solve disagreements is to seek a harmonious outcome for everyone involved. Take a step back. Analyze the situation with fresh eyes. Figure out exactly what all parties engaged are after.

*Dealing with disputes graciously is a skill that takes practice to develop. But the effort is worth it. You can diffuse tension with a courteous demeanor, compassion for others and focus on a solution that makes every person involved feel like a winner.